A 19th Century Courtship Conducted Entirely by Telegraph
NEW WESTERN UNION STATION WHO THIS FULL STOP
TO: MISS GWENDOLYNE ADAMS
PLEASURE TO MEET YOU AT CORPORAL STEVENS DAUGHTERS COTILLION STOP HOPE YOU DON’T MIND IF I SLIDE INTO YOUR TGS FULL STOP
TO: PVT BEAUREGARD RICHARDSON
PLEASURE WAS MINE STOP TWAS THE EVENT OF THE SEASON STOP YOU MAY MESSAGE ME HERE ALTHOUGH IM ALMOST NEVER ON THIS STATION FULL STOP
TO: MISS GWENDOLYNE ADAMS
THE MOON IS FULL AND I CANNOT SLEEP STOP ARE YOU ALSO UP STOP WOULD BE MY HONOR IF YOU CALL ME BEAU STOP WHEN WE DANCED THE QUADRILLE MY HEART SKIPPED A BEAT EVEN FASTER THAN THE BAND PLAYED THE GALOP FULL STOP
TO: BEAU
SORRY FOR THE DELAY IN RESPONDING STOP I TRY TO KEEP TELEGRAPHS OFF AFTER 10 STOP AND WOULD BE PLEASED IF YOU WOULD CALL ME MISS GWENDOLYNE FULL STOP
TO: BEAU
RESENDING THIS TELEGRAM AS NO RESPONSE IN SEVERAL DAYS DESPITE STATUS REPORTED AS DELIVERED
TO: MISS GWENDOLYNE
APOLOGIES FOR DELAY IN RESPONSE STOP SITTING BULL AND HIS MEN ATTACKED AND WAS HIS PRISONER FOR THREE WEEKS STOP NOT A HUGE THING STOP SITTING BULL SAID I WAS BRAVEST MAN HE MET STOP TWAS ONLY THE THOUGHT OF SEEING YOUR SWEET FACE AGAIN KEPT ME GOING FULL STOP
TO: MY DEAREST BEAU
HOW THRILLING STOP SOUNDS LIKE A TERRIBLY EXCITING STORY STOP WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT IN PERSON SOME TIME FULL STOP
TO: MISS GWENDOLYNE
WOULD IT BE TOO FORWARD IF I ASK YOU TO WALK WITH ME IN THE PARK SUNDAY AFTERNOON AFTER CHURCH STOP THERES A LOVELY GAZEBO STOP OF COURSE YOUR MAIDEN AUNT AND FATHER WILL CHAPERONE FULL STOP
TO: BEAU
WOULD BE MY GREATEST HEARTS DESIRE STOP WILL HAVE MAIDEN AUNT HANDLE DETAILS STOP SHE WILL SEND YOU A MESSAGE ON TG SOON FULL STOP
TO: GWENDOLENDOLENDOL
YES I AM TOO DRUNK TO WRITE STATION MASTER JUST SEND WHAT I SAY DAMN THE COST JUST TAKE DICTATION STOP YOOOOOOOO GWENNY STOP YOU ARE THE BEST I MEAN THAT I CANT BELIEVE YOU FLASHED ME YOUR ANKLE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR AUNT YOU ARE SO WILD WHEN I SAW YOUR BARE SKIN BELOW YOUR PETTICOAT I WAS FIT TO EXPLODE STOP NEXT TIME I SEE YOU IM GRABBING YOUR HAND I DON’T CARE WHOS THERE STOP YOU ASKED ABOUT MY PISTOL WELL HERES A PICTURE OF WHAT IM PACKING: 8==D FULL STOP
TO: MY DEAREST GWENDOLYNE
PLEASE EXCUSE LAST TG STOP DONT REMEMBER SENDING THAT STOP WAS AS DRUNK AS COOTER BROWN STOP AND YET THE DRUNKEN MOUTH DECLARES WHAT THE SOBER HEART QUIETLY YEARNS FULL STOP
TO: BEAU
I WILL CONFESS MY HEART QUIETLY YEARNS TO FEEL YOUR TOUCH AS WELL FULL STOP
TO: GWNEDOLYNE
THERE IS ONLY ONE THING FOR IT WE MUST GET TOGETHER AND SOON FULL STOP
TO: BEAU
ARE YOU PROPOSING MARRIAGE FULL STOP
TO: MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GWNEDOLYNE
I MUST ASK YOUR FATHER FOR YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE IMMEDIATELY STOP MUST SEE THAT ANKLE AGAIN OR I MAY DIE STOP LANCE CORPORAL BRADFORD WILL SERVE AS BEST MAN STOP I WILL SEE YOU BOTH TONIGHT FULL STOP
TO: MY MOST HANDSOME BEAU
TONIGHT IS OUR WEDDING STOP IT HAS COME TOGETHER SO QUICKLY BUT I AM GLAD STOP TOMORROW MORNING I SHALL BE MRS RICHARDSON FULL STOP
TO: MY DARLING GWENDOLYNE
CANT WAIT TO ENTER YOU DASH INTO BONDS OF HOLY MATRIMONY FULL STOP
TO: MY DEAR BEAU
LAST NIGHT REMARKABLE STOP TRULY ONE OF GREATEST OF MY LIFE STOP FOUND YOUR NOTE ON PILLOW AND AM ANXIOUSLY AWAITING YOUR RETURN FROM BUYING MILK FULL STOP
TO: MISS GWENDOLYNE ADAMS
SAD TO REPORT PVT RICHARDSON DIED HEROICALLY ON FRONTIER STOP BEFORE HE PASSED HE CALLED YOUR NAME STOP VERY SAD STOP PLEASE DON’T REPLY I AM TOO DEAD TO RESPOND FULL STOP
TO: THE LATE PVT BEAUREGARD RICHARDSON
SAD TO HEAR OF YOUR UNTIMELY PASSING STOP HAVE BEGUN COURTING LANCE CORPORAL BRADFORD AND HAVE HIM HERE TO CONSOLE ME STOP HE ASKED ME TO PASS ALONG HIS THOUGHTS WILL BE OF YOU TONIGHT FULL STOP