EXCERPTS FROM THE 2026 U.S. NATURALIZATION TEST
COURTESY OF THE UNITED STATES CITIZENSHIP AND IMMIGRATION SERVICES
A house is on fire, and the owner is screaming that her child is in there, but the fire department is still ten minutes away. A real American will
A) Run in to save that child, knowing their friends will set up a GoFundMe to cover the hospital bill for their third-degree burns.
B) Stream it on Instagram Live so everyone can enjoy.
C) Pay someone from Central America five dollars an hour to take care of it.
D) Vote for any candidate who promises to cut fire department funding.
Which of the following is not a protection enshrined in the U.S. Constitution?
A) The right to stockpile military-grade assault weapons to defend yourself when the government comes to take your military-grade assault weapons.
B) The right to peacefully assemble and protest in areas where the police plan to shoot rubber bullets and tear gas.
C) The right to ask for a cup for free water and then fill it with soda because soda practically don’t cost nothing anyway.
D) The right to both speak freely and also remain silent, the second often happening not long after the first.
Circle all wars that America won
A) The War on Drugs
B) World War II
C) The Iraq War
D) The War on Terror
E) The Other Iraq War
F) The War on Obesity
G) Vietnam
H) The Cola Wars of the 1980s
I) The Other Other Iraq War
J) The War on Algae
K) The 2026 War in Iran (just do us a favor and circle this so we continue to receive funding)
When is an inappropriate time to start the “U-S-A!” chant?
A) When the money starts rolling in on the GoFundMe you set up to pay your medical bills.
B) When applying for a disability check because you lost the War on Obesity so hard you can no longer work a regular job.
C) When a masked immigration officer without a warrant takes away your neighbor of 27 years.
D) There is no inappropriate time to chant ‘U-S-A’. If you were ready to circle one of these, you aren’t ready to be a citizen.
In the space provided next to each name, indicate whether they are a Civil War hero or a character from the Police Academy film franchise.
Brigadier General Thomas Francis Meagher ________________
Sergeant Carey Mahoney ________________
Lieutenant Moses Hightower ________________
Second Lieutenant Alexander Hays ________________
Captain Eugene Tackleberry ________________
Captain Philip Kearny ________________
The Sound Effects Guy ________________
How would an American answer the following? PLEASE NOTE: We are not looking for the correct answer. We are looking for the most American answer:
Where do Hondurans come from?
A) Isn’t Hondura the capital of Mexico?
B) Mexistan
C) A housecleaning agency
D) I DON’T KNOW BUT I KNOW WE’RE SENDING THEM BACK! U-S-A! U-S-A!
If “Lift Every Voice and Sing” is the ‘Black National Anthem’, then what would be considered the ‘White National Anthem’?
A) “America! Fuck Yeah!” from Team America: World Police
B) “We already have a white national anthem, ‘The Star Spangled Ban-’ oh right, I’m not supposed to say that out loud.”
C) Whatever Taylor Swift decides it should be
D) A gentrified cover of “Lift Every Voice and Sing” by boygenius
Pick the answer below that comes closest to your definition of “The American Dream”. Keep in mind that there are no wrong answers, just answers that block your path to citizenship:
A) Sitting on the New York City subway, on your way to an Andy Borowitz book signing, and reading this week’s copy of The New Yorker.
B) Sitting by your pool in Los Angeles, listening to the news on NPR, and sipping on a mojito with your wife and her girlfriend.
C) Volunteering at a free legal clinic in Hamtramck, Michigan, explaining to illegal immigrants from Islamabad or wherever the best way to vote without an ID.
D) Working 12 hour days, seven days a week, cleaning houses, even when you’re sick, saving up so that one day you can buy a house and afford to hire a housecleaner.
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