Jeff Johnson’s Tales of the Surprising
A look back at a rare TV flop from a superstar producer
This past week I’ve been doing some research1 on 1970s television, made in that glorious decade when TV networks learned that the less their writers tried, the more money they could make.
In the late 1970s, superstar television producer Jeff Johnson ruled the airwaves, being responsible for half the hit shows on the networks. There was Manaconda: LAPD, about one Detective Mark Prick who was hit by a bolt of lightning just as he chased a criminal into a snake exhibit at the L.A. Zoo. and subsequently could transform into a large snake at will.
Then there was the hit sitcom Strange Bedfellows!, about a man who rented a room in the only place he could afford: The girls dorm at a Catholic high school.
And of course Johnson created the beloved nine-season dramedy hit Hailes to the Chief! about a man named Ron Hailes who accidentally gets elected president when a Senator with the same name dies in the middle of the campaign, sweeping Ron into office alongside Vice President Bubbles the Orangutan.
ABC aired these and other equally successful shows with their award-winning advertising campaign: “Eh, it’s Wednesday night, what the hell else are you gonna watch?”
Johnson’s only misfire as a producer was his 1977 foray into the supernatural anthology series, Jeff Johnson’s Tales of the Surprising.
Perhaps it was the fact that his Rod Serling-style narrator/host was O.J. Simpson. His host segments were filmed in one take, with Simpson stumbling over larger words and then saying “To hell with it” and pushing on. One episode, they filmed Simpson at Pebble Beach while he was in the middle of a golf game.
Or perhaps it was because the “Twilight Zone-style twists” that ads for the series promised were always that the entire story had been a dream.
In any case, only five episodes were ever produced, and only three made it to air. What follows is a recap of the three episodes that aired, and keep in mind these were one-hour episodes.
Title: The Monsters are Commuting to Work on the 8:03am IRT
The Story: Five passengers who represent a cross-section of New York City stereotypes are waiting at the 16th Street subway station. A transit cop informs them that it will be delayed a few minutes because a UFO crashed into the 23rd Street station. The passengers suspect each other of being an alien off the ship, but then just when the cop removes his head to reveal he’s a lizard person one of the passengers wakes up in bed, revealing the previous events had all just been a dream.
The Cast: Martin Balsam, Royal Dano, R.G. Armstrong, Kathleen Freeman, and Jo Van Fleet as the passengers, with Jester Hairston as the transit cop
Title: Ma Bell is Watching
The Story: Henry Jones, a typical suburban husband and television producer, lives with a horrible nag of a wife. He has a saintly patient girlfriend who is going to star in his next show, and when his wife disappears he worries his girlfriend might have had something to do with it. But now every time he’s going to relax in his own home he paid for, the phone rings and it’s his wife on the other end nagging at him from beyond the grave. The episode ends with our hero waking up from a dream because the phone ringing: It’s his wife on the other end, demanding a divorce. Then he wakes up again; the whole thing had been a nightmare and he had never gotten married in the first place.
The cast: Darren McGavin as Henry Jones; Anne Ramsey as the wife; Sandy Dennis as the girlfriend
Title: A Town Named Scary
The Story: This is basically an unofficial remake/ripoff of Cape Fear, but with some half-ass supernatural elements added. Hank Crank works in a coffin factory, and is arrested for sexual assault and murder. He’s convicted thanks to the testimony of a veterinarian who witnessed the entire thing. Seven years later Crank’s released, and seeks revenge against the vet and his family. In the third act we find out the hospital Crank was born in was built on an Indian burial ground and he’s possessed by an evil unkillable spirit, or maybe he’s not. In the end, the whole movie has been the revenge fantasy of Crank who is sitting on Death Row.
The cast: Elisha Cook, Jr., as Dr. Wright; William Sanderson as Hank Crank; Louise Latham as Mrs. Millicent Wright; Melissa Sue Anderson as their daughter Penny; Mills Watson as Deputy Sheriff Anderson
Remember: You didn’t waste your day if you can convince yourself that you were productive.