Red Flags Your Cat Might Have a Secret Second Family
You feed her, clean her litter, and pay her vet bills—but she’s been spending her nights on someone else’s windowsill.
A growing number of cat owners have discovered that when their pets disappear for any length of time, they may be visiting other households. For some, it’s as innocent as a second breakfast from a lonely neighbor. For others, the betrayal runs to heartbreak. If you suspect your cat, or even if you don’t, here’s a checklist of common red flags that your cat may, in fact, have a secret second family:
When your cat wakes up at 5am to be fed, she accidentally calls you by the wrong name.
Your cat returns home one night and “casually” asks why you never serve her foie gras like other families do.
You ask if he wants to watch ‘Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties’, and he says he saw it a few weeks ago, and you realize that was during the month when you had all those wanted posters up after he went missing.
Your emergency credit card has been maxed out by twice-monthly flights to Des Moines.
Your cat purchases three hundred Christmas cards with his face on it, and you don’t get one.
He’s suddenly wearing a lot of tweed.
Despite being named after punk icon Joe Strummer, Beyonce is suddenly the number one most-played artist on his Spotify account.
Your cat gets drunk at Channukah and says, “You aren’t as much fun as my real family.”
While snuggled up to watch the Hallmark Channel one night, your cat out of nowhere suggests that it might be fun to “just open up our relationship” and see what happens.
On contacting the Des Moines Airport Hilton and entering your phone number so they might help you more quickly, you’re greeted with, “Mr. Tinkers, how may we help you today?”
The ID collar you bought your cat with your name and address on it has been switched out with a necklace made with Swarovski crystals.
A crying child in a passing car makes eye contact with your cat and begins screaming his name as her father makes an obvious attempt to avoid looking in your cat’s direction.
Your cat can’t explain why they’re suddenly on the Harvard alumni email list.
Your cat always “goes missing” for the two weeks every year that your neighbors down the street go vacation on that Disney cruise.
For the past six months, it has been accidentally slipping into an Armenian accent.
You could swear that when you went downtown for your appointment with the ophthalmologist you saw your cat walking in the park holding the hand of a small child with a balloon tied to her wrist with a ribbon. But when you made your way through the crowd to get a better look, all three—cat, girl, and balloon—they were all gone. And you can’t be sure, with the problem you historically have had with your eyes, if it was your cat or just a very hairy gentleman.
The New York Times comes to profile your cat, and when you ask the reporter if he wants to speak to the cat’s family, they say, “Oh, I did that last week.”
Your cat has been elected the mayor of Des Moines.