The First Day of School

or "A LIST OF FIFTEEN PEOPLE - REAL, FICTIONAL, MYTHICAL, AND SUPERNATURAL - OF WHOM YOU SHOULD FEEL NO FEAR"

Today’s the first day of the final semester of my life as an undergraduate. I started at Los Angeles City College, an excellent community college, and now I’m graduating from USC.

“As if millions of IP attorneys cried out in the darkness and were suddenly silenced.”

Parenthetically: Yes, trust me, I know the school’s nickname is the “University of Spoiled Children”. I also know it’s this nickname that gets gear store owners trying to steer me towards the most expensive version of an item that shouldn’t cost more than five bucks. I’m not that kind of USC student, unfortunately.

So just as a heads up, as the semester progresses and my headspace gets taken up with schoolwork—especially around midterms and finals—the Monday morning new comedy bit columns might occasionally be replaced by older work from the vault.

Thursday will remain essay day, but you might notice a looser “first draft best draft” quality to them.

I mean, even more so than usual.

Some people might say I’m being a bit neuro…