You Won’t Believe What I Got Myself for My Birthday
Number 1 might annoy you!
As Paul Simon once sang:
“Yesterday it was my birthday,
I hung one more year on the line.
I should be depressed, my life’s a mess,
But I’m having a good time.”
My actual birthday was on August 1st. But considering that some people claim an entire month for their birthdays, I hope you’ll indulge me celebrating a few days later on my Substack.
For my birthday I won’t ask for gifts or money, but I would love to ask you for a favor.
Ya see, I edited and wrote an introduction for a book of “Dad Jokes” that I released on my birthday. And to help make it visible in the Amazon sales algorithms, it would really help if you left a five-star review. (As of this writing, it’s got 7 five star reviews. Wouldn’t you like to be lucky number 8?)
But not yet. First, here’s a great “dad joke” from the book.
A Dad walks into the library and approaches the counter:
Dad: "I would like a cheeseburger, large fry and a chocolate shake".
Librarian: "Sir, I can’t serve you that."
Dad: "If I want a cheeseburger, large fry and a chocolate shake, you should serve me a cheeseburger, large fry and a chocolate shake. Why can’t I have a cheeseburger, large fry and a chocolate shake?"
Librarian: "Because first of all, this is a library."
The Dad pauses.
Dad (whispers): “Sorry, I would like a cheeseburger, large fry and a chocolate shake"
But Liam, Why Dad Jokes?
One thing about my New York City life that I miss is this: In New York, I had a radically diverse group of friends. I don’t just mean racially or politically, I mean in terms of their interests.
Many were comedians, yes, and some were TV writers and some were serious novelists, cartoonists, scientists, musicians, and also guys who trim trees, secretaries, and all manner of what I like to refer to as “real work”.
In Los Angeles, most of the people I know do show business. Maybe they want to break into composing or standup comedy or screenwriting or directing. And I do show business, too, so this is not a criticism.
Now most of my conversations are centered around “the business” and whether it’s “coming back” and where the jobs will be and what are you doing, which is code for “are you employed or are you useless as a contact”?
Ten years ago, thanks to the Internet, I made a group of friends — academics and scientists, all ten to twenty years older than myself — who call themselves The American Dad Joke Institute of America. Nice people, I’ve only met one in person and that was almost by accident.
And they have spent the past decade plus studying the emergence and evolution of street jokes, from casual conversation to their appearance on the Internet, to finally appearing in magazines, comic strips, TV shows, or — yes — joke books.
And there is a story behind why they found me in the first place, and I’ve written it in the introduction to the book, which is on Amazon as an ebook right now. Depending on when you’re reading this, the paperback or hardcover may be out already. If not, they are coming very soon.
Back to the ADJIA. This is not a formal academic study, but an excuse for friends to drink beer and gossip, engage in high-level research, and might only be eligible for publishing in the Journal of Irreproducible Results.
Because I am the former “JokeMaster” of Joke-of-the-Day.com, and more importantly the only comedian they know, they asked me to compile a bunch of Dad Jokes for a book-length collection of their favorites.
Then I went on the Internet and found 1300 more, just to round it out.
Mom: "I'm pregnant,"
Dad: "Hi pregnant, I'm dad."
Mom: "Oh no you're not.”
(Believe it or not, I wrote the very first version of this and put it out onto the Internet circa 2000.)
I released a book of “Dad Jokes” on Amazon
So no, I’m not kidding. I’ve compiled, edited, and written the introduction for a book of Dad Jokes. It’s called The American Dad Joke Institute of America’s Collection of Nearly 1,500 Jokes, Puns, and Ridiculous Nonsense for Dads of All Ages: For Grampas, Dads, and Anyone Who's Called Someone "Champ".
I could have done this with AI. And maybe I should have. But you look at the Kindle marketplace and it is flooded with AI junk, and I don’t want to contribute to that.
I personally compiled these jokes. I edited half of them, and rewrote the other half. Seriously, it took me a couple of years but I wanted to do it right. I wrote a tight introduction.
But in the meantime, if you could do me a favor and leave a five-star review on the book’s Amazon page, I would appreciate it.
In a marketplace of hundreds of books in every subject that get compiled in about 20 seconds, this is how my book can stand out, with honest-to-god human written reviews.
My favorite “Dad Joke” in the book.
Doctor Dad: I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.
Patient: Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?
Doctor Dad: Nine. Eight. Seven…
